Prologue:
Has the author finally conformed to the weird notion that people seem to harbor within themselves; the notion of chaos as being dark, Black, and maybe even evil?
No.
Chaos is and will always be white. And mostly very positive. For the endlessly argumentative, the reason is simple and straight. The notion of black and dark essentially stem from nothingness. And chaos, well, it is anything But nothing. Still not convinced? Go scream out on your blog then :\
And evil? the only thing evil about chaos is the fact that it is essentially very beautiful. And Majestic beauty leads to desire of many kinds, which again is seemingly evil. (Very ironically the same holds for black. But that doesn't make it synonymous with chaos. Mainly because they hold for white too and I'm sure no one would like to argue on black's equality with white :\. Moreover, I say so, and its my blog ;))
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Darkness seems to be the theme of the year. If not for me then surely for people i care about the most. And as my 1st post says, this blog reflects what i feel. Which is Emptiness. A kind of void, neither saddening nor endearing. Ive always felt all the rules, the so called ways of life have been a farce. A kind of training we all undergo to be fit to be called sociable. In a very sadistic yet humorous way it feels not very different than the "OK tested" stickers on toys et al.
Its strange to see how your own flesh and blood will torture, threaten and beat u up mentally just to make you conformable to social norms. And seemingly there's no end to it. Social order and society must come first. The same society and people who wont forget to use and stab u given enough material reason.
Raises doubts as to who to call your own. Is it the so called family? Or friends? Or the perfect stranger who hears your plight as you talk, fight and live most of your life on the phone in the bus? Or maybe death and deception?
Me i don't consider the last option at all. Fighting doesn't deem to get anyone anywhere, but everyone seems to agree hope does.
Hope. What i comfortably and intentionally left out of the list of things that are your own. Because I've hoped. And lost. Maybe a tougher fight and brighter hopes await. New Horizons yet to be explored. Move on, dream again. Love again.
Give yourself time and it'll happen. Does true love die and wither away? Do true lovers?
Maybe they do. Maybe enough distance and hard work help. Maybe pain becomes just another one of your habits, regular breakdowns one of your character flaws.
But for the time being, "The Dream" is just a lie.
As they say, Time heals all wounds. Will it heal the wounds of the death of a smiling soul?
A soul that was almost mine.
Not in this lifetime I guess.
*Spl. Note: The Blog had turned to a black theme for a few days, a few days back. Obviously, we're back now.*
