Saturday, December 16, 2006

Konfuzion :\, nothin seems to be goin your way? everywhere u step things seem to fall apart, eh? Oh, but the little voice inside your head tells u to move on. things will surely get better. keep working.

and so u do it. keep working. sometimes things do get better. but sometimes... well murphy's law is there for a reason. ergo, things keep falling apart. u keep pushing.. they still keep on cracking to bits.. and there you have it. the epitome of a vicious circle becomes you and your actions. and fact remains: there ARE some days when everything just sucks. its just a plain and simple suck fest.

now, is there some way to discern which one is which? when will good ol' murphy own you and when will you get to laugh at his theories? mayb. at least i haven't been blessed with this special power. :( so, i just go through the day, hoping it'll get better. if it doesn't i sulk at the end of the day and starting yesterday; blog it out :D.

So at the end of the day when nothing was done and probably all your efforts were in vain you begin thinking. about? everything in general and nothin in particular. mind goes back to the good old days. when something used to get done at at least some part of the day. when fun was a verb and not an abstract noun u talk about these days. and confusion sets in.

everyday waking up it feels like heaven to realize that I've been blessed with what others just hope for and see in romantic movies. to have someone who stands by you in your darkest mood and hour. someone who cares for you with all her life and soul.

hmm.. and the other side of the coin? in reality, there is no other side. theres just one side and the previous para describes it in an unjust but almost complete manner. but then even fairy tales and movies have a twist in them. the plot has to thicken, my dear watson.

so it does. in the form of distance, in the case of yours truly. unreachable distance. distance with no solutions. live with it or leave. ohh!! Grey clouds in the bright and sunny sky. so complexities arise. so you think think and think. and what do we see. a solution is it? :O

alas, "the solution" can happen only some years later. so its back to ground zero for now. then again, we can relieve the pain by thinking of the solution in all its glory. the solution and the future. when the sun shall shine again in a clear blue sky. :)

so u think, you imagine and plan. the future. wait. weren't you thinking before the mighty solution had come? and you're thinking now. the difference? thinking and discussing makes you feel good. makes the pain go away.

does it?

before you know it, all you do is think. its like being on painkillers. you become an addict. thinking makes you feel good. you see yourself in others who follow the solution. that makes you smile.

err.. but wasn't the feeling of being in love supposed to make you smile? the feeling of enjoying everyday and sharing everyday with your mate? weren't you supposed to go one step further with realizing and admitting what you felt? one step further than being the best of friends who had amazing times together? and that was with the distance not without it.

as i see it addictions end with saying no and taking the pain head on. the solution is there and its good to know its there. but it shall be seen when it comes to us. for now i say no to thinking about it. i say no to the speculation. i accept the pain and i accept the love and understanding that comes with it. they say holding on to just one good feeling can make you survive hell itself. we have one bad feeling and heaven to glide us through it.

in the end; its just about saying no.

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